A family component in its conventional form consists of parents, grandparents, their children, children of their children’s wives and their grandchildren wives all living pleasantly under one roof. If carried out properly, it can serve as a very warm, welcoming and homely environment which encourages support, appreciative, love and collaboration.
The joint family system has been portrayed in many dramas and movies, and at a confident point in my life, I remain a big follower of it. But now I think a joint family system do not provide a beneficial way of living, actually it lessen the heat of emotions and charm of relation. Don’t get me wrong.
I am not demanding to break families and create cracks, but having lived in a joint family structure myself, I saw a range of flaws within the concept itself.
Mainly, when a woman get married and enters in a joint family, she is involuntarily anticipated to merge into the family environment which is a huge load to place on someone who is not used to such a set up. Moreover, the concept of privacy and doing things as you wish has no place in combine family structure, not to point out the certain suspiciously asked questions on each and every deed of newly married woman.
When a wife ask to her husband that why we are living in this joint family without our privacy and own life, commonly husband answered, I could not left my old parents alone and if I do so the society blame me. One another big reason, it’s odd to live with in-laws at their home. It’s strange why wives have to oblige this request.
In addition, a joint family system may be a reason of rifts even between brothers. If their wives or children do not have understanding or tolerance then, this can cause more conflicts and things can get more problems. More related are emotional affects of children’s emotional equilibrium and schooling, not to mention the elderly grandparents’ health. These are just a few examples of how quickly things can go wrong and how difficult it can be to keep everyone happy under a single roof.
Money is also a sharp topic when it comes to paying for family expenses.
Who pays when there are many torrent of income coming into the house?
One of family member may be earning more than the others and anybody may not be earning at all, so the load to pay for an entire family can sit directly on the shoulders of one person. This can be a burdensome and disgustingly unfair. If there are systems in place which allow the soft handling of expenditures then that is ideal but money, or a lack of it, can always sour relations and create unwarranted bitterness.
In my opinion, I think everyone should once try to live in the joint family system up until a firm point. When siblings start getting married and having their own children, they should be given the opportunity to raise their own family individually. Tensions, rifts and difficulties can arise when people who are outside the family start emphasize their personality and assaulting the family home. To keep cordiality, it is superior to separate and promote a healthy relationship from a distance.
My neighbors’ have essentially split their home into two diverse quarters so their son can enjoy raising his family without having to feel culpable about leaving his parents. This is an outstanding way of preventing any sore silences and aching egos.
It is also essential to talk about here that Islamically, there is no obligation for a couple to live with the in-laws after marriage. The Prophet Muhammad’s (pubh) wives all lived in separate homes and were never projected to live with any other member of his family. The joint family system is a civilizing necessity that we have taken upon ourselves out of a displaced require to please our elders. However, in an try to keep our elders happy, we may essentially be stifling the tasks we have towards our other relationships.
To bring to a close, joint family systems are not a practical option in this era because the concept of unity and family togetherness can take a horrible shape when siblings start getting married and having their own children. Instead, to cultivate healthy relationships, families should be given the opportunity to expand their own personalities and personas in relieved of their own home.
