Are you not married yet?

 In Pakistan if you are more than 25 years old and still single, it’s your fault.

Few days back, I read an article which was written by a lady and she elaborate how she finally learn to b single and Happy ‘’both at the same time’’

Someone commented under the article which grabs my attention.

‘’Why do all single woman always declare themselves happy, without marriage?

Someone else replied, 

‘’It’s nothing else than pretending, as the need of someone every woman feel it directly or indirectly. So, they wear a makeup of single and happy.

I couldn’t have agreed more.

On a personal front

If a girl is more than 25 years old and yet not married, she used to hear few questions mostly and commonly.

 “Why aren’t you married yet?”

Or,

“When are you getting married?”

Unluckily, if you are single till 25, there is virtually no one out there, who will have sympathy on you and desist from asking these extremely awkward questions. In fact, for me, these questions began hammering me when I was just 21. Even while thinking over job predicament, on some family party even funeral occasions, the ‘kind’ advice I’ve been given is,

“You should just get married, and then your life will be settled.”

When people or friends ask me – rather inattentively – why I am not married yet or when I will tie the knot, I usually intentionally feel like saying,

I’m focusing on my career right now” are just not able to satisfy them.

But,

Some girls often said,

“Why don’t you just look someone for me?”

It seems that saying things like “Many girls have taken a different approach.

And some time to get rid of these question they says 

“My parents are in search of some good rishtas (marriage proposals),

or

“When I find the right person.”

Sometimes they work, and sometime bring more questions.

I don’t know why but none of above described answers applies to me. My one and only answer to them, it is just never happened for me and I don’t know if it ever will.

For people, I understand, the hypothesis is that if you are a female and over 20 years of age, you obviously must have a line of proposals for marriage. And if it is not like this then ready to answers many questions. Therefore, if you are not married, it’s mainly your fault. At many times I feel myself like an alien because most of the girls around me do not face that problem; they are either married or wearing engagement ring.

Yet, I know that I am not the only one who is single and happy.

There are many other single girls out there, especially those who are older than me and crossing the age of  30, who are reminded by others about how ‘lonely’ they will feel in their old age when they won’t have husbands and children to care for. Such women often have to face a barrage of painful questions and comments such as,

“It’s about time once age skips then …….” 

“Now just choose anyone.”

Single and want children?!?

There was another article which I read about a year ago, which really moved me. It was about a -woman who always desired for children but never found a life partner and having reached her 40s, she wondered if she could practically foster her dreams. She described her condition as one of ‘disenfranchised grief’.

While explaining her condition she admits that she did not want to adopt an artificial insemination. Her responses were often unsympathetic and many of her peers look like to think it was her fault that she did not try her best to get married and have a family.

While many people sympathies with couples who are unable to have children, but the same could not be expected for someone who is single.

Apart from all those people who ask me why I am not yet married, or telling me that I’m too old now and it’s about time, what probably makes me feel more unselfconfident is the things I have heard others, both men and women, say same about an unmarried women.

As well as in my academic carrier the same remain continue in my professional life, I’ve heard the same comments about women much older than me who don’t have husbands.

Is that really how small-minded we are? That we presume how insane a person who is not getting married and not producing kids. It can also, at times, be abusive when it is assumed that because I am not married that’s why life is very easy-breezy for me and for all other single women.

Don’t get me wrong; I agree 100% that working woman has much tough challenges in her life. However, it should not be assumed that if a woman is not married, her professional life is automatically easier for her, or she is free from all responsibilities.

I used to meet unmarried women who are supporting their family and face whole types of challenges of their own. At times, it is for this very reason that they do not end up getting married.

Besides that, work is work. It’s hard for everyone sometimes, man or woman, single or married.

If you are agree with me or not but I am sure that next time you will be not one of those who are much delighted to know about others marital status or upcoming marriage proposals.

Sometimes, it’s really not as simple as just putting on a ring.